I Am Pretending That My Baby Is Adopted’

I Am Pretending That My Baby Is Adopted’
As told to ANA KRISTINE B. VALENZUELA
Published MOD May 2010

THE first time that Mirdianne* learned that she was pregnant, she cried-but they were not tears of joy.
At 28, Mirdianne was at that stage which many would consider the right age to have a baby. Also, she had a stable job working for the finance department of a retail company, so she could provide for her child.
But she and Lito, an officemate who worked for the logistics department, were not ready for parenthood. They were just having fun, they succumbed to their passions, but they were careful... or so they thought.
At first, Mirdianne noticed her menstruation skipping. But she didn’t bother about it because after all, she had an irregular pattern. But five months after, she still didn’t have that monthly visit. So she decided to have a home pregnancy test. The test turned out positive.
She didn’t know how to tell Lito. Things were complicated. They weren’t formally a couple. People in the office didn’t even know that they were going out.
Nevertheless, abortion did not cross her mind. Yet, she did not know what to do. So, she searched the Internet for answers. She found emotional support. The first person she told about her pregnancy was a pro-life minister, whom she met online.
Later on, she found the courage to tell her mother and sister, who were both in the province. She went home and told them, but they decided to keep it first from the rest of the family, including her father. Their plan: she would live in a home for women in crisis until she gives birth. Then she will legally adopt her own baby. She will tell people that the baby belongs to a less fortunate woman and that she’s adopting the baby out of charity.
Today, Mirdianne is one of the women housed at Grace To Be Born. She found a refuge in this non-government organization which helps women in crisis, especially giving shelter to pregnant women who do not want to resort to abortion. At Grace To Be Born, she is learning how to take care of babies by looking after babies of other women in the home.
Now she has accepted her baby-a boy-wholeheartedly and plans to name him Samuel, a character from the Bible who was adopted by a priest.
Things are still complicated with Lito, though. He still sends her text messages, but he doesn’t give any financial or emotional support, which Mirdianne is not hoping for anymore.
Mirdianne is on maternity leave, even as her officemates still do not know who the father of her child is. She has to work to be able to provide for her baby, but she plans to look for a job in another company.
“I will raise him up as my adopted child,” Mirdianne says of the baby she will deliver anytime soon. “But when the time comes that he can already understand, I will tell him the truth.”

Note: *Although events in the story are true, names of places, persons, and some circumstances have been altered to protect the identity of those involved. Any similarity to actual names of places and persons, whether living or deceased, is purely coincidental.
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Sexual Harassment: The Horror, the Horror

Sexual Harassment: The Horror, the Horror

By ANA KRISTINE B. VALENZUELA

Published MOD October 2010 Halloween Issue

IT might happen in school, in the office, or even at your home.

“Sexual harassment is any behaviour or verbal expression that one find offensive,” according to Dr. Genuina Ranoy of St. Luke’s Medical Center. “It depends on the perception of the person. For some people, it is not sexual harassment because okay lang na ginagawa yun.”

A simple act of putting one’s arm over the shoulder when it is inappropriate and makes one of the parties involved uncomfortable can be an act of harassment.

MOD Collection

Check the Signs

Behavioural. There are times that it might seem obvious, like one’s stare might make you feel uncomfortable or has the interpretation of sexual advances. Or one creates a situation wherein you would be uncomfortable. Sometimes the victim cannot say anything because the harasser’s position is higher.

Verbal. “One example is being called in some terms of endearment, or maybe in a way that has a sexual connotation and inappropriate for you. It would only be sexual harassment if you do not like it,” says Dr. Ranoy.

Actions. “If a guy touches your private parts and he says it’s accidental but for you its not, that’s sexual harassment,” says Dr. Ranoy.

How To Cope with Harassment:

Say it. Dr. Ranoy says that you really have to say what you feel, like “’You’re going beyond boundaries,” so that the person would know. Tell him, because some people are not even aware that they are harassing other people. “

File a complaint. “Tell the authorities,” advises Dr. Ranoy. “That way, they would look into what you are saying and have the proper venues to discuss it.”

Don’t feel guilty. “People often say that it is the victim’s fault, especially if she dresses in a sexy way. ‘It is their fault as they are inviting,’ harassers would often say,” says Dr. Ranoy. “No, it’s not your fault. Don’t feel guilty about it. You did not like what was done to you.”

Check yourself. “Check the way you behave. Certain verbal expressions may be seducing. Maybe unconsciously you are being seductive,” says Dr. Ranoy. “Especially if there is a pattern that wherever you go you are being sexually harassed, ask yourself why. It is not necessarily the way you dress up, but the behaviour also. People might think that to you it is okay because you are inviting.”

When Sex Hurts

When Sex Hurts

By ANA KRISTINE B. VALENZUELA

Published MOD July 2010

SEX hurts. Many say it hurts the first time women do it. But then you’ve already done it several times, yet a feeling of discomfort and pain manages to outdo your sexual satisfaction.

This problem is called painful intercourse or dyspareunia. Dr. Judy Ann Uy-de Luna of the Obstetrics and Gynecology department of St. Luke's Medical Center, says, “Dyspareunia is a sexual dysfunction that frequently has an organic basis regardless if it’s your first time or not.”

Dyspareunia can be caused by many reasons. Says Dr. Uy-de Luna, “Factors such as poor lubrication results to vaginal dryness; vaginal infections; urethritis or inflammation of the urethra which is difficult urination; cystitis or inflammation of the urinary bladder; trigonitis, a condition of inflammation of the trigone region of the bladder; episiotomy or poorly healed vaginal lacerations; and diseases such as pelvic inflammatory disease and endometriosis can all be attributed to these organic causes.”

Lack of foreplay can also cause painful intercourse. “Sexual response problem or lack of arousal decreases the woman's ability to become sexually aroused and to become vaginally lubricated,” says Dr. Uy-de Luna. “It could also be secondary to Vaginismus or a condition that is secondary to involuntary spasm usually in the vaginal introital (or the opening of the vagina) and levator ani muscles resulting to painful or impossible penetration.”

Birth control pills not only affect ovulation as some side effects can cause certain mood swings. “Certain oral contraceptive pills can cause adverse mood changes such as depression, irritability, tension, and fatigue which affect a woman's sexual behavior,” Dr. Uy-de Luna warns.

One technique that Dr. Uy-de Luna recommends to lessen the pain is by experimenting with your sexual positions. “There are instances that dyspareunia can be relieved by changing coital position. Couples should be encouraged to experiment with female-dominant and side-by-side positions to see if the pain can be prevented,” she said.

If you experience pain during intercourse, it is wise to see your obstetrician immediately. Dr. Uy-de Luna also advises that the physician should obtain a careful history when the dyspareunia occurs, whether during insertion of the penis, at the mid-vagina during thrusting, or with deep penetration of the vault to pinpoint the organic cause and subsequently treat specific pathologic conditions.

One Night Only…Lifetime Heartache?

One Night Only…Lifetime Heartache?

By ANA KRISTINE B. VALENZUELA

IT may be with a longtime crush, or some random stranger whom you met at a summer gig on the beach. Either way, a one night stand is sudden, reckless, and well, pleasurable. No strings attached.

But although the parties involved—two people who have taken the shortcut to realizing their sexual fantasies—know the consequences of their actions, feelings might not be shared later. A study conducted by the Durham University in England showed that, overall, women's morning-after feelings are more negative than men's. Eighty percent of men had positive views, while women only had 54 percent.

Some women do not share the men’s positive feelings toward one night stands because they think that they have much to lose, like an unplanned baby--a big responsibility especially if the father does not hold himself accountable. There are those who also feel cheap and used afterwards.

The 54 percent of the women who feel positive about it, however, do it for the heck of it. It makes them feel empowered.

Quick Take

If you have no problem engaging in one night stands, here are things you should remember:

• Try to get noticed. If you are in a bar, strut your stuff in the middle of the dance floor and make eye contact with a hot guy.
• Once you’ve snagged the hot guy, let the conversation flow naturally. Use this as an opportunity to practice your sex moves on him.
• But since you’ve never done it with this guy before, think of safety especially against sexually transmitted diseases. Girl, painful to the body and might wipe off your savings account-- if you have any.
• After doing it with him, tell him that you had a good time--be it sincere or not.

Off Limits

Avoid doing it with

· A coworker. This may taint your professional reputation.

· A family friend. Just imagine the endless interrogations from your mom, aunt, or any member of your family when they learn about it.

· Sibling’s friend, friend’s sibling, ex’s friend, friend’s ex. As the saying goes, gossip travels fast. Next thing you know, a mutual friend already knows the sordid details of your activity.

· Someone who likes you. You could end up hurting the person as he might be expecting a relationship out of the chance encounter.

'I had a one night stand with a married man'

'I had a one night stand with a married man'

As told to ANA KRISTINE B. VALENZUELA

I DIDN’T seduce Doods, no. I didn’t seduce him just to have a one night stand with him. I thought that with him, it would be something special. But as cliché as it may sound, I thought wrong.

It had been a long time since I was eyeing Doods. We knew each other and had common friends. We went to the same school, and were basically part of the same neighborhood. Unfortunately, apart from these, all we shared was the occasional hi and hello.

It was one night when I finally got to know him more. My friend Missy invited me to a drinking session down at her place. So not wanting to be left out, and being much of a partygoer, I accepted her invitation.

We already had a few shots and were having riotous fun when Missy's neighbor, Jeff, and three other guys guys happened to pass by. Doods happened to be one of them. Jeff asked if they could join, and at first Missy and I were apprehensive--but it was all just part of our pakipot tactics. We eventually gave in and the guys bought some more beer.

Doods, surprisingly, sat right next beside me. I told him that it was okay for him to join us--to join me. He said that he had been wanting to do so, for a very long time. I answered, "Go. Let’s see if you can keep up with me."

At first, the evening was the usual get-together, with friends drinking, talking, and having a good time. Then Doods's attention suddenly shifted towards me. He was only speaking to me, saying things that I thought were purely personal. He was really sweet, catering to my every whim.

A few bottles of beer, few shots of rhum, and a whole lot of chatter later, I didn’t know what was going on. All I could remember was a dazed memory of me and him, in bed, his arms around my shoulders, his lips playfully going through my lips and neck.

After that night, Missy asked what had happened. I told her about Doods and me. Then she said that I should be careful as Doods already has a wife and kid living somewhere else. I didn’t believe her. I thought it was just a nasty rumor. Still, I was hurt by what my friend told me. I didn’t know whether to be hurt by my friend or by Doods. Doods and I were still exchanging a few text messages. I was sure if he was married he would have told me.

Missy and I held a drinking session again, with Doods and his friends. No one made a fuss of what happened between Doods and me. It was like there was nothing going on. I sat beside Doods and asked him if he had a problem. I didn’t know whether to be thankful or not as he was confident enough to say yes. He said he had problems with his wife and child.

Whoa, Missy was right. The guy I had a one-night stand with was married! But I didn't show Doods I cared about him being married-- even as I thought that there was something between us. How could he have played with my feelings that way? I don’t want to sound selfish, but who cares about his family problems? He could have been more sensitive and not classified me as a reliever. Sure, I had a string of flings, but he should have known that I am not that kind of woman.

After that night I tried to avoid him, but it wasn’t easy. We frequently bumped into each other on our street. I constantly view his Facebook updates, and he sends me text messages asking for advice. Sometimes I ignore him, and when he asks why, I just say I am busy. Thankfully though, I got accepted to a new position with a brand new company. So I now I just try to focus more on work.

Now, Doods and I are, I guess, friends as we still hang out. But that's about it.

-30 -

Cyber Romp

published Mod January- February 2010

By ANA KRISTINE B. VALENZUELA

WITH a handful of Filipino men leaving for overseas work, the women they left in their home country resort to phone calls to ease the absence of their men.

Not wanting to have large phone bills, they opt for the much affordable instant messaging. Most of the time, these long distance lovers’ exchanges consist of longing for each other--and having suggestive verbal sex.

With the help of a keyboard, a web cam, and a mic, a man and a woman can experience near euphoria through virtual sex: zero physical contact, just simply giving one’s self pure erotic pleasure.

CYBER SEX TIPS

Be Game. At first it may be weird to be doing it with a computer, but if you surrender yourself, you’ll find yourself in a great situation. Just remember to keep your doors locked.

Give in to Your Fantasy. Start by telling him your fantasy, or where and how you would want to do it with him. If he doesn’t have a webcam, describe to him what you look like. The more seductive you claim yourself to be—even if you’re just wearing your favorite pajamas—the better.

Flash Forward. If you have a webcam, flash him. Or for a little foreplay, do a little sexy striptease for him.

Tease Him. If you have a mic, breathe heavily into it so he can imagine that you are very much into the fantasy.

Type-O. If you don't have a mic or a cam, worry not. Describe the things that you are doing to yourself by typing with one hand. The other hand is for you, silly. Type in things like the way your hand gushes through your body for sexual pleasure.