Support System

Support System

Here’s how you can give hope to the hopeless.

published MOD Magazine December 2009

By ANA KRISTINE B. VALENZUELA

FILIPINOS are known for celebrating Christmas with family reunions and a gallant feast. But in light of Ondoy and the series of typhoons following it, is Christmas still worth celebrating about?

The victims of the supertyphoons either lost a loved one or had their home wiped out. They are probably still in denial, not acknowledging the loss, feeling angry, blaming others, bargaining, begging, and praying for what they lost to come back, or worse, feeling hopeless and even suicidal.

If you have a friend who was a victim of Ondoy or who suffered any kind of tragedy, this is the time to show her your support. One way to do that is by giving them comforting words. Here’s how:

Mod Collection:

1. Ask. According to Ma. Cecilia F. Gonzalez, accredited clinical psychologist, your friend needed to have an emotional outlet. Probe gently what happened, letting her tell you what she feels. Assure her that you are there for her .

2. Listen. Listen to her every word, be it a joke or whimper. Gonzalez says that you should provide emotional ventilation. Be a shoulder to cry on and let her talk more. Make her feel secure that she may confide in you, whatever problem she may have, with an assurance that you will keep it as your own.

3. Think Positive. Offer kind words and optimistic thoughts regarding the situation. Gonzales says that verbal empathy is important in helping your friend move on. Exhaust the past, move on with the present, plan the future. Do not worsen the situation by sounding pessimistic. Reassure her that everything would turn out all right especially if she persists.

4.Use the Power of Touch. Gonzales says that your nonverbal empathy gives her reassurance. A pat in the back. or a slight squeeze of hand would reassure her.

5. Let Her Cry. Gonzales says that negative emotions are like toxins that poison our emotional health. It is better to let her cry, shout and let it all out. When she does this, regard this as a sign of confidence in you.

6. Offer Help. Do not wait for her to ask for your assistance. She may seem reluctant because you have your own problems, but always remember that she needs all the back-up she can get. Your help should not be dilly-dallied upon even if she refuses. Offer it immediately and without any hesitation.

7. Maintain Contact. Visit or call, text, or email her as often as you can. This will assure her of your encouragement.

8. Never Give Up on the Person. Gonzalez says that it is better for your friend to keep on repeating her problems, for them to die a natural death.. Remember that your friend feels hopeless and you may be the only stronghold she has. It will probably take a long time before she recovers so be patient.

9. What's it all about? Depending on your friend's religious orientation, guide her towards the spiritual meaning of tragedy.